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Mexican men drinking cantaloupe juice and my cousin and i on the porch swing kicking our legs and wondering how we got this way and lonely summers and bath tubs and peeling skin and your face with eyes closed so sweetly and women in pencil skirts and will i ever look be like that and would i want to and always the dream of mountains and a place i couldn't imagine and the rain ceaseless and the promise of being better and ice cream and a trench coat and men on parole and tacos at 3 am and a secret garden a secret adventure and dirty water and your hands what do they look like and oh when will i know what it's like to really live maybe i do maybe i really do