Natural Appetites

Lately, I've been ravenous. I've been hungry for everything: sleep and nutrition and reality and a good book and the future. I went to the grocery store and there I stood, mesmerized by the beans and rice in aisle two, until a clerk looked at me with concern. Was I alright? Oh, fine, just fine. I took my apples and cheddar home and fell upon the groceries, delighted. Why the appetite? Hunger is like this: consuming and inconvenient. As we get older, sometimes we fear our appetites will diminish. After all, who can thirst when there is work to be done and paper to be shuffled. When I was in Rome, my hunger diminished. In the land of food, I didn't want food. I was over stimulated and energized but I felt myself full after a bite of pasta or a glass of wine. Now, I'm lusting. I've had fever dreams, jumping out of bed, anxious for water and life to begin. It's irritating but comforting. It's a reminder of my own humanity, of the needs that make me whole. Tonight, the roommates and I baked some chocolate chip cookies and as the wind blew forth, we sat licking the bowl, and talking about the past. The summer is looming, and graduation is lurking, and the apple about to be plucked, and we're stressed. It's a feverish time and we're unprepared but we're hungry. How we feed ourselves is the crucial distinction.